Lucy
Plot
Below is the Production Meeting in which we talked about our initial plot ideas we had for our short film.
Then, when we had created a storyline, Lucy wrote the 'treatment', a more detailed version of the plot. We got some second opinions on it, and she rewrote the treatment to improve the narrative, as it wasn't quite as tight as it needed to be. Then, she rewrote the final draft after a second read-through to make sure each element of the story and the characters were well-rounded, and filled any plot holes.
Original Plot Ideas
Fisrt Draft Of Treatment
HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, has just been given a job as a photographer for a top magazine, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she didn’t deserve the job, throwing her dirty looks and knocking her business cards to the floor. She hurriedly tries to tidy them up, throwing them on her desk and into her pockets.
THE BOSS emails her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove her worth to her colleagues.
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, noticing that she has captured a man in one of her images. Thinking nothing of it, she continues, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see a VICTIM being threatened by a man with a gun. Just as Helena reaches for her mobile to ring the police, the GUNMAN tells the victim that they “shouldn’t have told anyone“ and now they were “going to pay”. Changing her mind, he puts her phone back in her pocket and watches, horrified, as the gunman shoots the victim. She runs away, thinking her presence hadn’t been detected. However, the gunman can be seen in the distance, picking up one of her dropped business cards.
Back in the office, Helena is setting up for a meeting with the boss. She is disturbed by odd noises outside the door, passing it off as her colleagues playing tricks on her yet again. As she organises her files, snatches of the overheard conversation between the two men reverberate around her, getting louder as she looks at the photo of the murderer on her camera. The clock ticks down and her phone rings. The gunman can be heard on the phone, and his voice becomes louder and clearer as he enters the room.
He threatens Helena, telling her that he knows she saw the incident, before noticing her camera on the desk, displaying the photo of him she took by accident. He becomes extremely angry and they fight *fight scene choreography here*, culminating in the two of them struggling for control of the gun he used to shoot the victim. The film ends with a build in the music, a cut to black, silence, then a single gunshot.
We did a voice recording of our fourth production meeting, after we got feedback from the first draft of the treatment and script; in this, we discuss more ideas and how we can change various elements of the story to make it more realistic.
“Exposure” Treatment V2
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HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, is an intern working for a major magazine. She seems to be liked by the management, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she doesn’t deserve to be there, that she’s pandering and sucking up to the boss. They notice her self-defence leaflets on her desk and jibe that she can’t defend herself – little do they know…!
THE BOSS hands her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove herself to her colleagues.
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see a VICTIM being threatened by a man with a gun. She recognises the man with the gun to be the Boss, and surreptitiously takes a photo of the scene. Slightly horrified, she watches the Boss shoot the victim, and then runs away, thinking her presence hadn’t been detected. However, the Boss can be seen in the distance, stood next to the blood pooling next to the victim’s head, watching her go.
Back at the office, Helena is working away at her computer, looking through the photos until she reaches the one she took of the Boss. She looks at it for a moment, as snatches of the overheard conversation between the two men reverberate around her, getting louder, before quickly closing the window when she realises the Boss has come up behind her. He asks what she was looking at; she claims it was Facebook and apologises. He then asks to see her in his office after work (when everyone’s gone) with her camera, to see the photos she has taken. Neither of them knows that they know they had seen each other. The tension is palpable. The Boss approaches the subject delicately, stating that if she mentions his involvement with the murder he can make sure she never gets a job in publishing again. She blackmails him, presenting the photo and saying that if he employs her full-time with a good wage, the photo will never been seen again. He threatens to kill her and take the photo, but she explains that there are multiple copies of the photo that could find their way into the hands of the police and the rival publisher.
He becomes extremely angry and panics, shoving her against the wall. They fight *fight scene choreography here*, culminating in the two of them struggling for control of the gun he used to shoot the victim. The film ends with a build in the music, a cut to black, silence, then a single gunshot.
After getting some more opinions from people, Lucy rewrote the treatment to include more ideas and essential parts of the story which would tie it all together; We also decided that it would be better if Helena overpowered the Boss at the end, rather than ending on a cliff-hanger, to show her character development and the gender role reversal of the female being more powerful than the male. Furthermore, it was pointed out to us that it would be a bit strange that the Boss would send Helena to take photos in a place where he was going to commit a murder, so we made it so Helena accidentally goes to the wrong location, which is similarly named.
“Exposure” Treatment V3
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HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, is an intern working for a major magazine. She seems to be liked by the management, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she doesn’t deserve to be there, that she’s pandering and sucking up to the boss. They notice her self-defence leaflets on her desk and jibe that she can’t defend herself – little do they know…!
​
THE BOSS hands her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove herself to her colleagues.
​
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see a VICTIM being threatened by a man with a gun. She recognises the man with the gun to be the Boss, and surreptitiously takes a photo of the scene. Slightly horrified, she watches the Boss shoot the victim, and then runs away, thinking her presence hadn’t been detected. However, the Boss can be seen in the distance, stood next to the blood pooling by the victim’s head, watching her go.
​
Back at the office, Helena is working away at her computer, looking through the photos until she reaches the one she took of the Boss. She looks at it for a moment, as snatches of the overheard conversation between the two men reverberate around her, getting louder, before quickly closing the window when she realises the Boss has come up behind her. He asks what she was looking at; she claims it was Facebook and apologises. Then, he checks that she went to the correct location, and Helena realises that she went to the wrong place, hence her witnessing the murder. He asks to see her in his office after work (when everyone’s gone) with her camera, to see the photos she has taken.
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Neither of them knows that they know they had seen each other. The tension is palpable. The Boss asks if she knows where the victim has gone, the one he shot earlier. Helena says that she doesn’t, and the Boss calls her a liar. She blackmails him, showing him the photos she has taken, stating that she wants a proper, full-time job as the lead photographer for the magazine. They fight, and the boss pulls out a gun; Helena says that there are copies of the photographs that will be sent to the police if he kills her. Looking unsure, the Boss stops; Helena takes advantage of this by punching him and kicking him in the stomach. She retrieves the gun from where it has fallen and points it at the Boss, saying that she expects to start on Monday, before walking away.
After getting some final opinions on the story, we noticed that it wasn't entirely clear why the Boss kills Sam, the intern. So, we created the story that they were having an affair, and Sam was going to tell someone - his wife? With the boss being so ruthless and insane, he decides that the only course of action is to shoot her to keep her quiet. Also, we added a bit of backstory to Helena, stating that she has moved a long way away for this job, and her parents are proud of her for getting it. This gives her extra incentive for wanting to keep the job and blackmail the Boss into promoting her.
“Exposure” Treatment V4
​
​HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, is an intern working for a major magazine. She has moved away from home for this job, and it is very important to her. She seems to be liked by the management, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she doesn’t deserve to be there, that she’s pandering and sucking up to the boss. They notice her self-defence leaflets on her desk and jibe that she can’t defend herself – little do they know…!
​
​THE BOSS hands her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove herself to her colleagues. ​
​
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see a VICTIM – one of the other interns, SAM - being threatened by a man with a gun. She recognises the man with the gun to be the Boss, and surreptitiously takes a photo of the scene. She watches the Boss shoot Sam, after Sam reveals that they were having an affair, and then runs away, thinking her presence hadn’t been detected. However, the Boss can be seen in the distance, stood next to the blood pooling by the victim’s head, watching her go.
​
​Back at the office, Helena is working away at her computer, looking through the photos until she reaches the one she took of the Boss. She looks at it for a moment, as snatches of the overheard conversation between the two men reverberate around her, getting louder, before quickly closing the window when she realises the Boss has come up behind her. He asks what she was looking at; she claims it was Facebook and apologises. Then, he checks that she went to the correct location, and Helena realises that she went to the wrong place, hence her witnessing the murder. He asks to see her in his office after work (when everyone’s gone) with her camera, to see the photos she has taken.
​
​Neither of them knows that they know they had seen each other. The tension is palpable. The Boss asks if she knows where Sam has gone, knowing full well that Helena saw him shoot her. Helena says that she doesn’t, and the Boss calls her a liar. She blackmails him, showing him the photos she has taken, stating that she wants a proper, full-time job as the lead photographer for the magazine. They fight, and the boss pulls out a gun; Helena says that there are copies of the photographs that will be sent to the police if he kills her. Looking unsure, the Boss stops; Helena takes advantage of this by punching him and kicking him in the stomach. She retrieves the gun from where it has fallen and points it at the Boss, saying that she will see him on Monday, before walking away.
Unfortunately, after doing our auditions, our male actor was unavailable to film, so we had to recast the boss as female. We also decided to change the order of the story, beginning with the confrontation between Helena and the Boss, and ending with the Boss shooting Sam, so that we start with a tense scene that grabs the viewer's attention, and finish with the climax of the shooting.
“Exposure” Treatment V5
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​The film begins with HELENA and THE BOSS in a meeting room. Helena asks why she has asked to see her, and the Boss calls her a liar, telling her she knows why she’s there. Helena blackmails her, showing her the photos she has taken of the Boss confronting SAM - INTERN, stating that she wants a proper, full-time job as the lead photographer for the magazine or the photos will find their way to the Boss’ husband or a rival publisher. They fight, and the boss pulls out a gun; Helena says that there are copies of the photographs that will be sent to the police if she kills her. Looking unsure, the Boss stops; Helena takes advantage of this by punching her and kicking her in the stomach. She retrieves the gun from where it has fallen and points it at the Boss, saying that she will see her on Monday, before walking away.
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Then, we flash back to the morning.
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HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, is an intern working for a major magazine. She has moved away from home for this job, and it is very important to her. She seems to be liked by the management, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she doesn’t deserve to be there, that she’s pandering and sucking up to the boss. They notice her self-defence leaflets on her desk and jibe that she can’t defend herself – little do they know…!
​
​THE BOSS hands her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. There is a moment between the Boss and Sam, unnoticed by the others. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove herself to her colleagues. ​
​
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see one of the other interns, Sam, being threatened by a person with a gun, their face covered. She recognises the person with the gun to be the Boss, and surreptitiously takes photos of the scene. She watches the Boss shoot Sam, after Sam reveals that they were having an affair, and that she was going to tell the Boss’ husband.
After taking advice from our target audience, we decided to make the film chronological, and also added an extra scene to explain why Helena doesn't call the police. We also tweaked a bit of the story.
“Exposure” Treatment V6
​
​HELENA, a young, resilient and ambitious woman, is an intern working for a major magazine. She has moved away from home for this job, and it is very important to her. She seems to be liked by the management, much to the chagrin of her fellow INTERNS. They taunt and bully her, nastily commenting that she doesn’t deserve to be there, that she’s pandering and sucking up to the boss. They notice her self-defense leaflets on her desk and jibe that she can’t defend herself – little do they know…!
​
​THE BOSS hands her an assignment, to take pictures of nature in urban areas for a new feature in the magazine. There is a moment between the Boss and SAM, one of the interns, unnoticed by the others. So, she sets out to find good locations to photograph, determined to prove herself to her colleagues. ​
​
She wanders around outside the office, taking pictures as she goes, and finds a deserted, dirty alley between a building and some trees. Unsure at first, she looks around before walking towards it, taking pictures as she goes, until she hears a disturbance past an overgrown section of greenery. Voices can be heard arguing, one powerful and commanding, the other seemingly begging for their life. Helena peeks around the corner to see Sam, being threatened by THE Boss, holding a gun. She surreptitiously takes photos of the scene and watches the Boss shoot Sam, after Sam reveals that they were having an affair, and that she was going to tell the Boss’ husband. Helena runs away, but little does she know that the Boss saw her leaving…
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Returning to the office, Helena comes across VICKY, the other intern, on the stairs. Vicky asks her if she has seen Sam, and she says that she hasn’t. Vicky interrogates her, claiming that Helena is refusing to tell her so that Vicky has to go and find her, resulting in her not getting any work done and Helena doing it all, allowing Helena to get the job over her. Helena snaps, telling her that she doesn’t know where Sam is and that she will get the job. Before leaving, Vicky tells her that the Boss wants to see her in her office that evening to talk about the photos that she has taken.
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Helena enters the meeting room to see the Boss. She asks why she has asked to see her, and the Boss calls her a liar, telling her she knows why she’s there. Helena blackmails her, showing her the file of photos she has taken of the Boss confronting Sam, stating that she wants a proper, full-time job as the lead photographer for the magazine or the photos will find their way to the Boss’ husband or a rival publisher. The boss pulls out a gun; Helena says that there are copies of the photographs that will be sent to the police if she kills her. Looking unsure, the Boss stops; Helena takes advantage of this by punching her and kicking her in the stomach. She retrieves the gun from where it has fallen and points it at the Boss, saying that she will see her on Monday, before walking away.